Oh noes!

I crashed my new car =[

It was really sad, because I backed into an SUV that was a lot bigger than poor little Sass...and now she has a big ding in her rear bumper.

I'm so mad at myself!!!!!!!!!

It's 12:01 and...

I really hope he calls tonight...I don't think I can deal with this silence much longer.

Whew! What a Weekend!

I know I've been a total slacker for the past few days, but things got a little hectic around here last week. Let's see...Ben got into town on Wednesday afternoon and that's when things got really crazy. I'd already been freaking out about not having the results I needed to put the finishing touches on the presentation I was supposed to be giving in less than a week, and Zoltan wasn't helping the matter any. It was like I was completely invisible and NONE of the work I needed to get done got done until Friday at 6! But anyways, back to Ben, haha =] I took off early on Wed because I had nothing to do in the lab and I could just as easily work from home on my computer. Haha, fat chance of that actually happening! I got home, finished cleaning and passed out for a few hours until I heard my phone ringing. Ben was FINALLY here! YAYAYAYAY! It's kinda funny how much I miss him when he's gone...and then, even before he leaves, I start to miss him again. He left yesterday and I thought, "only 16 more days until we're back at school and can be together 24/7...I can do this" riiiiiiiiiight. As the day progressed, I just got more and more melancholy until eventually, I just passed out at like 8:30 last night. I do think, however, that had a lot to do with the fact that Ben and I stayed up WAAAAAY too late pretty much every night that he was here and I was semi-exhausted. It's not really much of an excuse, but when he comes to visit and I know he has to leave again, I just want to spend as much time as possible with him. And my mother wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed, so we just stayed up until the wee hours of the morning watching movies and talking and just being together.

Anyways, Monday I had the big presentation for this internship I've been doing all summer, and let me just tell you...I kicked ass! Hahaha, not to be big-headed or anything, but I'm really proud of how far I've come this summer. If you had asked me to give that presentation this time last summer, I probably would have passed out in front of all those people =P But this time, it was exciting and exhilarating and I LOVED it and realized that I fallen in love with research. I always thought that med school would be the road for me...not so much anymore. I don't have the personality to be a doctor, but research is fascinating and when you leave work, you LEAVE WORK. There's not really anything emotional baggage that you bring home with you from the lab. I'm not afraid to admit that I don't deal well with loss, so even the consideration of treating patients who could potentially die gives me the chills. I'd much rather be the researcher who's life work contributes to a cure for cancer than a helpless doctor who can do nothing more than stand idly by watching her patient die, ya know?

Sorry for that bit or morbidity...but it's been on my mind for a while. Anywoo, here's to a wonderful rest of the week, and blessed weekend!

.pax.

It's Tuesday.

And Zoltan forgot to upload the pictures I needed to count cells to the computer in the lab, so I find myself bored out of my mind yet again =/

This totally sucks. I was really looking forward to having something mindless to do when I got here this morning. My brain has been on constant ruminate and it's just about to drive me crazy. I keep thinking about the worst situations and it's almost to the point of making me sick. I hate this. I'm trying so hard to be cool, calm, and collected but my brain won't let me and these worst case scenarios I keep playing out in my mind aren't any fun. It's like thinking that worst could happen, and then vividly watching it all occur, but in my brain. And every time it happens, my heart stops and I want to jump out of my skin...it's so real and so freaking scary.

And Ben is coming down this week, but I don't know if he's coming tomorrow or Thursday. Either way, I'm really, super excited about seeing him.....BUT I have no patience left and I'm like, dying to see him right now. I just want to give him the biggest hug in the world and then never let go. I'm gunna kidnap him and put him in my closet and not let him go home until we move back up to school.

Anyways, I'm in a really odd mood right now, so I'll stop b*tching and get to work.

.pax.