.pax.
7.30.2010
So...
My mom's birthday is on Monday and she seems to think that everyone has forgotten about it. BUT, I didn't and I ordered her some lovely handmade soaps that I really think she is going to like. She's really been struggling with bad dry skin caused by some of her medication and the soaps that I found are made with shea butter and meant for use on specifically dry skin. And you know what else? They're HANDMADE!!! I got them from a vendor on etsy and was a little worried that they might not send in time to arrive this weekend. However, I emailed Rebecca and she was so wonderful and shipped them priority mail (at no extra cost to me)...they arrived yesterday. And they smell absolutely amazing!!! I'm anxious to see how my mom likes them, but I think all of you should check out Rebecca's Soap Deli. =]
7.28.2010
7.26.2010
best weekend EVER!
After a *very* looooong last week, I needed some time to goof off and just relax before I got back down to studying for my MCAT retake. So, I hopped in my dad's truck (my car couldn't make the drive) and drove up to Spartanburg for the weekend. I'd made plans to stay with my good friend Kemper in her new apartment and couldn't wait to see Ben after a 2 week separation. It's funny to think that 2 weeks is the longest we've ever been apart and we were completely dysfunctional as human beings for the latter half of the second week...it's like separation anxiety times a bajillion!! But I digress, I had the day off from work and was in the Burg by 3, so Ben and I just hung out and cuddled, enjoying each other's much needed company. Later in the afternoon, we met up with Kemper and her new boy!!!!! YAY!!!!! He's so presh! Anywho, after staying up waaaaay too late for girl talk on Friday night, Ben, Kemper, Stephen, and I spent a few hours at the pool and then went to Frankie's Fun Park for Johnny Rocket's, Putt-putt, arcade games, and laser tag...it was a blast! I love being able to resort back to being a kid again...Ben even hit a few balls in the batting cages too =] We then spent the rest of the evening sprawled out around Kemper's living room watching movies and being complete bums. Haha...this weekend was just what I needed and although I'm, like, totally exhausted from all the driving, I wouldn't have missed it for the world!!!
Here's to another week...let's see what it has in store!
.pax.
Here's to another week...let's see what it has in store!
.pax.
7.22.2010
Petrifius Totalis!
yep...that's right! I'm a Harry Potter nerd...hahahaha =P
Sho, my alarm went off this morning and it took every fiber of my being to keep from hitting snooze and rolling back over to go back to sleep. I'M SO TIRED. haha This whole living in the real world, having a real job, and getting up at 6:30 every morning really isn't working for me. I'd much rather sleep all day and work at night...hence my previous profession as a server. I miss sleeping until noon, hitting the beach, and THEN going to work. I don't even wake up this early during the semester!
I've got some friends coming in from out of town this afternoon, and I am totally stoked to see them!!!! YAY! I haven't seen Riley since last summer, Laura since last fall, and Kylie and Claire since like March. =/ I feel like such a slacker because I'm so terrible about keeping in touch with people. And I know what a lame excuse it is to blame it on being busy, blah, blah, blah. I think it's just that I get so carried away worrying about everything going on in my life that I forget that the world exists outside of my own room (it def doesn't help that 9 months of the year I live in the "Wofford Bubble"). I mean, what kind of friend promises to "keep in touch" and then completely forgets to send an email or write on someone's facebook wall?! Hahaha I know I'm not a terrible person (at least in that sense ;P) but I feel like a complete SLACKER when I get a "blast from the past" from a close friend from high school.
Anyways, we're starting our actual experiment in the la today and I'm pretty excited. Unfortunately, I'm unable to disclose exactly what we're researching due to the limits put forth by the grant proposal...but it's pretty cutting edge stuff and my name might potentially end up in a scientific journal article for the work I'm doing here this summer!!!!!!!! WOOT!
I hope everyone is well and having a fantabulous morning so far =]
.pax.
Sho, my alarm went off this morning and it took every fiber of my being to keep from hitting snooze and rolling back over to go back to sleep. I'M SO TIRED. haha This whole living in the real world, having a real job, and getting up at 6:30 every morning really isn't working for me. I'd much rather sleep all day and work at night...hence my previous profession as a server. I miss sleeping until noon, hitting the beach, and THEN going to work. I don't even wake up this early during the semester!
I've got some friends coming in from out of town this afternoon, and I am totally stoked to see them!!!! YAY! I haven't seen Riley since last summer, Laura since last fall, and Kylie and Claire since like March. =/ I feel like such a slacker because I'm so terrible about keeping in touch with people. And I know what a lame excuse it is to blame it on being busy, blah, blah, blah. I think it's just that I get so carried away worrying about everything going on in my life that I forget that the world exists outside of my own room (it def doesn't help that 9 months of the year I live in the "Wofford Bubble"). I mean, what kind of friend promises to "keep in touch" and then completely forgets to send an email or write on someone's facebook wall?! Hahaha I know I'm not a terrible person (at least in that sense ;P) but I feel like a complete SLACKER when I get a "blast from the past" from a close friend from high school.
Anyways, we're starting our actual experiment in the la today and I'm pretty excited. Unfortunately, I'm unable to disclose exactly what we're researching due to the limits put forth by the grant proposal...but it's pretty cutting edge stuff and my name might potentially end up in a scientific journal article for the work I'm doing here this summer!!!!!!!! WOOT!
I hope everyone is well and having a fantabulous morning so far =]
.pax.
7.21.2010
.bored.
It's Wednesday at work and Zoltan has a meeting. So, I'm sitting here at the computer, bored out of my mind and google-ing cheesy pick-up lines to make my boyfriend laugh. Here are some of my favs:
*Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
* ARGH! I'm the love pirate and I'm here for your booty!
*I'm no Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want!
*I've forgotten my phone number, can have yours?
*You're eyes are blue, like the ocean. And, I'm lost at sea.
*Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
*I know it's not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready...
Hahaha. Day made.
*Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
* ARGH! I'm the love pirate and I'm here for your booty!
*I'm no Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want!
*I've forgotten my phone number, can have yours?
*You're eyes are blue, like the ocean. And, I'm lost at sea.
*Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
*I know it's not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready...
Hahaha. Day made.
7.20.2010
*breathe*
MCAT RESULTS WON'T BE POSTED UNTIL 5PM. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL 5PM?
Ok, I'm done. I promised Ben that I wouldn't freak out about it anymore, so I'm not going to (at least I'm gunna try).
So, Sunday at mass, Fr. Babbick was talking about sitting a experiencing the beauty of God around us as Mary did in the gospel. Then he mentioned children--precious blessings that serve to be such humbling opportunities to experience life. And, it got me thinking about how much I want to be a mother. Like, I can't imagine living my life without having children to call my own. Every woman is called to be a mother in some way, shape, or form be it naturally, through adoption, or by way of the consecrated life.
I've seriously considered two of the three...solemnly discerned where God is calling me in my life. And I have to say that I'm quite certain that the pull I felt to the religious life was simply a humble sinner's attraction to the beauty of holiness. Who wouldn't be, at least somewhat, attracted to a life devoted solely to Christ, as his bride and servant? I mean, we as women seek out the man who would best complete our lives, our "soulmate," right? What better soulmate to have than the epitome of perfect love? And to live in a community of other women who have made the same vows as you, who share the same passion for Christ, free of distraction, and full of love...wow. It's overwhelming! However, as wonderful as that all sounds, I've come to the conclusion that my vocation in this world is to live outside of the convent walls, to serve Christ as a wife, mother, friend, and volunteer.
My journey has been one of love, beauty, and peace and I stand firm in my assertion that Christ is calling me to earthly love; love between a man and a woman; love through which faith grows and the soul rejoices. Love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7
.pax.
Ok, I'm done. I promised Ben that I wouldn't freak out about it anymore, so I'm not going to (at least I'm gunna try).
So, Sunday at mass, Fr. Babbick was talking about sitting a experiencing the beauty of God around us as Mary did in the gospel. Then he mentioned children--precious blessings that serve to be such humbling opportunities to experience life. And, it got me thinking about how much I want to be a mother. Like, I can't imagine living my life without having children to call my own. Every woman is called to be a mother in some way, shape, or form be it naturally, through adoption, or by way of the consecrated life.
I've seriously considered two of the three...solemnly discerned where God is calling me in my life. And I have to say that I'm quite certain that the pull I felt to the religious life was simply a humble sinner's attraction to the beauty of holiness. Who wouldn't be, at least somewhat, attracted to a life devoted solely to Christ, as his bride and servant? I mean, we as women seek out the man who would best complete our lives, our "soulmate," right? What better soulmate to have than the epitome of perfect love? And to live in a community of other women who have made the same vows as you, who share the same passion for Christ, free of distraction, and full of love...wow. It's overwhelming! However, as wonderful as that all sounds, I've come to the conclusion that my vocation in this world is to live outside of the convent walls, to serve Christ as a wife, mother, friend, and volunteer.
My journey has been one of love, beauty, and peace and I stand firm in my assertion that Christ is calling me to earthly love; love between a man and a woman; love through which faith grows and the soul rejoices. Love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7
.pax.
7.19.2010
urgh...it's Monday again
I love my job, if you can really even call it that. It's actually an internship working in a lab at MUSC graduate school. But it's pretty wonderful because I'm getting an awesome opportunity to be exposed to the life and times of a graduate student. We're working with mice and culturing cells and performing experiments and taking some pretty wicked awesome pictures of the slides we've made. But damn if I struggle to get out of bed every morning. Hahaha...it's odd because I'm usually such a morning person. When I was in high school, my alarm would go off and I would just bounce out of bed and now I literally roll out of the bed and drag myself to the bathroom for a shower...and that's after hitting the snooze button a few times. And it's not like I'm not getting a decent amount of sleep. Granted this weekend I may have stayed up until 4 and 5 am on Friday and Saturday night talking to a certain boyfriend, but I slept in and enjoyed every minute of it. And then, fell asleep waiting for him to text me last night =P Haha, leave it to me!
Anyways, here's to a week filled with much joy and many blessings!
.pax.
7.18.2010
It's been lovely!
I love having been able to sleep in all weekend and not have to travel anywhere or do anything =]
7.16.2010
This one's for you....
This week has been absolutely CRAZY. And on top of everything else that happened, MCAT scores are posted tomorrow so I'm kinda sorta freaking out a little. But anyways, I happen to have 2 of the best friends in the world who have taken such good care of me this week. They've even coordinated a GNI (girls' night in) for tonight, just because I wasn't sure I was ready to go out and party it up this weekend. I'm so incredibly blessed when it comes to the people in my life, so I want to take a minute to thank a few of them this morning...
Clarkin: Girl, I don't even know what to say. Words could never express my gratitude for all you've done for me, especially recently. We've known each other since, what, 5-K? And then there was girls scouts and homeroom with Brother T. And then there was high school where you somehow got away with having eggplant colored hair. And now, as we approach college graduation, it's been amazing for me to be able to look back and see how we've grown together as sister's in Christ. I pray that you continue to allow the Lord to overcome your life as He pours forth His blessings and graces.
Kaela: Ya, know, I always envied you in high school. You were the cute, personable, pretty blonde in the homeroom next to me...and I sooooo wanted to be your friend. And then, I'm still not really sure what happened, but we were friends; kinda like it just happened. And I'm so sorry that we didn't keep in touch over the first few years of college. You are such an amazingly brilliant woman and you've taught me to continually seek the good in others and to keep looking on the bright side of life. Girl, you're on your way to doing great things and I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. =]
Ben: I don't even know where to start. I thought I knew what love was from reading all those cheesy romance novels and renting all those hopelessly romantic chick-flicks...and then I met you. And you turned my idea of love (and my world) completely upside down. Although you may not recognize it, you've taught me so much in the 4 short months that we've been together. You understand me in a way that not even my parents do. You know, I've always been told that the reason for dating is to find the one you're called to marry. And that the journey of marriage is one of lifting your spouse to their best so that they can achieve Heaven's paradise. Well, baby, we're not married, but I can say that, without a doubt, that I am a better person because of you. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes at night. I love you with all my heart, Ben.
Kemper: Can you believe that we've only known each other since January? That kinda blows my mind because I feel like I've known you my entire life! You are such a beautiful person and you're such an inspiration to me. You were there for me when things were hard and you let me cry on your shoulder in the bathroom in Miliken. And then, we were in that silly car wreck together, but I think that we grew closer from sharing that scary experience. I'm SO glad that we've become such close friends and I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans this next year has in store for us!
Mark; My dad away from home. You've been so kind to open your home, your heart, and your family to me over the past 3 years. You've been a constant source of comfort and strength for me; you've taught me to fall but get right back up. I can't express my gratitude for all you (and your family) have done for me, so I'll simply leave you with a prayer that the Lord continue to bless y'all abundantly as Maura and Ari grow into beautiful young daughters of Christ.
Duck: You know, apparently everyone was expecting for something to happen between us during second semester freshman year? Hahahaha...that always makes me laugh =] You're so wonderful and I absolutely love that I can seek you out at any time of day for a bear hug when something has gone wrong. And I can't even begin to explain to you how excited I was when you asked me if we could start a prayer group on campus this year!!! I'm so glad that you've opened you're heart to God over the past few months and I'm looking forward to watching your faith grow over the next year. I love you, DUCKY!
Anyways, now that I've rambled for the past 45 minutes, I'm gunna head into lab, get my work done and enjoy my evening with the girls. I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. and I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me =]
.pax.
Clarkin: Girl, I don't even know what to say. Words could never express my gratitude for all you've done for me, especially recently. We've known each other since, what, 5-K? And then there was girls scouts and homeroom with Brother T. And then there was high school where you somehow got away with having eggplant colored hair. And now, as we approach college graduation, it's been amazing for me to be able to look back and see how we've grown together as sister's in Christ. I pray that you continue to allow the Lord to overcome your life as He pours forth His blessings and graces.
Kaela: Ya, know, I always envied you in high school. You were the cute, personable, pretty blonde in the homeroom next to me...and I sooooo wanted to be your friend. And then, I'm still not really sure what happened, but we were friends; kinda like it just happened. And I'm so sorry that we didn't keep in touch over the first few years of college. You are such an amazingly brilliant woman and you've taught me to continually seek the good in others and to keep looking on the bright side of life. Girl, you're on your way to doing great things and I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. =]
Ben: I don't even know where to start. I thought I knew what love was from reading all those cheesy romance novels and renting all those hopelessly romantic chick-flicks...and then I met you. And you turned my idea of love (and my world) completely upside down. Although you may not recognize it, you've taught me so much in the 4 short months that we've been together. You understand me in a way that not even my parents do. You know, I've always been told that the reason for dating is to find the one you're called to marry. And that the journey of marriage is one of lifting your spouse to their best so that they can achieve Heaven's paradise. Well, baby, we're not married, but I can say that, without a doubt, that I am a better person because of you. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes at night. I love you with all my heart, Ben.
Kemper: Can you believe that we've only known each other since January? That kinda blows my mind because I feel like I've known you my entire life! You are such a beautiful person and you're such an inspiration to me. You were there for me when things were hard and you let me cry on your shoulder in the bathroom in Miliken. And then, we were in that silly car wreck together, but I think that we grew closer from sharing that scary experience. I'm SO glad that we've become such close friends and I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans this next year has in store for us!
Mark; My dad away from home. You've been so kind to open your home, your heart, and your family to me over the past 3 years. You've been a constant source of comfort and strength for me; you've taught me to fall but get right back up. I can't express my gratitude for all you (and your family) have done for me, so I'll simply leave you with a prayer that the Lord continue to bless y'all abundantly as Maura and Ari grow into beautiful young daughters of Christ.
Duck: You know, apparently everyone was expecting for something to happen between us during second semester freshman year? Hahahaha...that always makes me laugh =] You're so wonderful and I absolutely love that I can seek you out at any time of day for a bear hug when something has gone wrong. And I can't even begin to explain to you how excited I was when you asked me if we could start a prayer group on campus this year!!! I'm so glad that you've opened you're heart to God over the past few months and I'm looking forward to watching your faith grow over the next year. I love you, DUCKY!
Anyways, now that I've rambled for the past 45 minutes, I'm gunna head into lab, get my work done and enjoy my evening with the girls. I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. and I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me =]
.pax.
7.15.2010
It's you.
It's become quite evident to me recently that Heaven is breaking through into my life. And, I've realized that I was quite resistant at first. I was happy with the way that things were going...I had a wonderful boyfriend, I was happy for the first time in a loooong time, I had time to spend with my friends. But, something was missing; that overwhelming joy I had known just a few months ago was gone. So, as of the past few days, I've re-opened the door to my heart to allow God to rush in. And let me tell you, He did just that.
Someone once told me that in order to fully live in the Lord, we must ask the Spirit to come dwell in our hearts and wreck OUR lives so that we might have the opportunity to live the life that God has for us; I'd never really thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense. In living a life for myself, I've been seeking the pleasures known by the flesh, material things and what FEELS good rather than what IS good.
And wouldn't you know, the minute I asked the Spirit to wreck my life, I was immediately attacked. Sh*t hit the fan (to put it lightly) and just as I started to panic, I remembered that God is by my side begging me to cling to Him; to allow him to help me carry this burden, this cross, I've been given.
In other news, I've really been struggling with helping my boyfriend to understand that what I need right now more than anything, is for him to just listen. I'm so overwelmingly grateful that he's trying to help fix the situation so that I'm not hurting anymore. But, right now I just need to hurt--to digest everything that's hit me over the past few days and grieve for my losses but find joy in the blessings that have become more evident throughout this struggle. Babe, if you're reading this, you know that I love you with all my heart; I've never been happier than when I'm with you. I just need you to understand that you can't always fix everything in my life. And that, when you can't, you can be there holding me while I grieve...because there's nothing more comforting than to know that you're there for me (no matter how red and puffy my face might be).
"Are these just the words that I say aloud? Is it just the sun breaking through the clouds? No, I know it's more and I know somehow that Heaven is breaking through...and it's You, God, it's You." -Audrey Assad
.pax.
Someone once told me that in order to fully live in the Lord, we must ask the Spirit to come dwell in our hearts and wreck OUR lives so that we might have the opportunity to live the life that God has for us; I'd never really thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense. In living a life for myself, I've been seeking the pleasures known by the flesh, material things and what FEELS good rather than what IS good.
And wouldn't you know, the minute I asked the Spirit to wreck my life, I was immediately attacked. Sh*t hit the fan (to put it lightly) and just as I started to panic, I remembered that God is by my side begging me to cling to Him; to allow him to help me carry this burden, this cross, I've been given.
In other news, I've really been struggling with helping my boyfriend to understand that what I need right now more than anything, is for him to just listen. I'm so overwelmingly grateful that he's trying to help fix the situation so that I'm not hurting anymore. But, right now I just need to hurt--to digest everything that's hit me over the past few days and grieve for my losses but find joy in the blessings that have become more evident throughout this struggle. Babe, if you're reading this, you know that I love you with all my heart; I've never been happier than when I'm with you. I just need you to understand that you can't always fix everything in my life. And that, when you can't, you can be there holding me while I grieve...because there's nothing more comforting than to know that you're there for me (no matter how red and puffy my face might be).
"Are these just the words that I say aloud? Is it just the sun breaking through the clouds? No, I know it's more and I know somehow that Heaven is breaking through...and it's You, God, it's You." -Audrey Assad
.pax.
7.14.2010
Bring on the Rain
So. I found out last night that my mom is drinking again. And I know that doesn't mean much to those of you who don't know me, but she's been struggling with this disease for the past 4 years and it's always the same: drink, get caught, sober up, hit rock bottom, and start drinking again. And every time she's been through this cycle, I've been the one person to give her the benefit of the doubt, to try to help her, be someone she can talk to. Hell, I've even been to AA meetings with her. But, every time I turn around, she's back at it again and I'm tired of trying to fix something that she obviously doesn't want fixed. My dad's out of town this time, so the responsibility of calling her out fell on me and let me just tell you that I've never felt like such a heartless b*tch in my life. It's not that I don't love her or that I don't care, but this is a decision that she's made. And try as I might, I can't help her unless she wants to help herself. I'm done trying to fix something that I can't fix. I'm 21 effing years old and I'm ready to live my life as a college student; no strings attached. I've been the parent in this relationship for far too long and now it's my turn to be selfish for once.
I know I asked for prayers yesterday, but this is different. As badly as I might need the prayers, my mother and my family need them more. So, I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you to help me flood heaven with prayer today because the only way that my family will know healing is through God's graces and mercy.
.pax.
I know I asked for prayers yesterday, but this is different. As badly as I might need the prayers, my mother and my family need them more. So, I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you to help me flood heaven with prayer today because the only way that my family will know healing is through God's graces and mercy.
.pax.
7.13.2010
Oh...herow!
Let's just say that today is a new day. It's a beautiful, new day filled with graces and blessings poured forth abundantly by our great and merciful God. And yet, how often do we take the time to recognize such beauty? I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (which usually gets me into quite a bit of trouble) and I've come to the conclusion that I've spent the past few months missing out on some of the most wonderful opportunities.
Now, that's not to say that my life is empty or dull...because it isn't. I have the most wonderful boyfriend, the most amazing friends, a somewhat steady relationship with God, and a family that continues to love me despite all my imperfections. But I've noticed that my relationship with God, the aspect of my life that used to have a rather firm grip, has been slowly slipping away; and it isn't anyone's fault but my own. I've been lazy and selfish and rather irresponsible and now I'm sitting here at the computer with a good chunk of time to reflect on how to better/strengthen that relationship.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I used to have the perfect relationship with God, because I didn't. I'm just as flawed (if not more so) as everyone else in this world and I've let my shortcomings get the best of me many times. But there was a point about 6 months ago where I felt like I could do anything. Yeah, my life may have been in shambles and I might not have been able to go 3 days without completely losing it, but I KNEW in my heart, my soul, and my head, that I my life was infiltrated by the grace, strength, and love of God. And then, something happened, and I got distracted (it's one of those blonde things) and I just kinda let go.
So, here's the deal. I'm tired of looking back, seeing what I had, and regretting that I don't have it anymore. I was a complete mess for those few months and I don't know that I've ever been more confused in my life, but I was joyful. And to know true joy is to experience and to know God. I'm not asking to go back in time. Sure, I learned a good bit about myself during those few months, but you couldn't pay me to go through that again. I'm simply asking for your prayers and support during this time, MY time, of reconstruction. I've got a lot of work to do...my soul's not looking all that healthy right now. But, as Philippians 4:13 says, "I have strength for everything through Him who empowers me."
.Pax.
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