So. I found out last night that my mom is drinking again. And I know that doesn't mean much to those of you who don't know me, but she's been struggling with this disease for the past 4 years and it's always the same: drink, get caught, sober up, hit rock bottom, and start drinking again. And every time she's been through this cycle, I've been the one person to give her the benefit of the doubt, to try to help her, be someone she can talk to. Hell, I've even been to AA meetings with her. But, every time I turn around, she's back at it again and I'm tired of trying to fix something that she obviously doesn't want fixed. My dad's out of town this time, so the responsibility of calling her out fell on me and let me just tell you that I've never felt like such a heartless b*tch in my life. It's not that I don't love her or that I don't care, but this is a decision that she's made. And try as I might, I can't help her unless she wants to help herself. I'm done trying to fix something that I can't fix. I'm 21 effing years old and I'm ready to live my life as a college student; no strings attached. I've been the parent in this relationship for far too long and now it's my turn to be selfish for once.
I know I asked for prayers yesterday, but this is different. As badly as I might need the prayers, my mother and my family need them more. So, I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you to help me flood heaven with prayer today because the only way that my family will know healing is through God's graces and mercy.
.pax.
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