It's become quite evident to me recently that Heaven is breaking through into my life. And, I've realized that I was quite resistant at first. I was happy with the way that things were going...I had a wonderful boyfriend, I was happy for the first time in a loooong time, I had time to spend with my friends. But, something was missing; that overwhelming joy I had known just a few months ago was gone. So, as of the past few days, I've re-opened the door to my heart to allow God to rush in. And let me tell you, He did just that.
Someone once told me that in order to fully live in the Lord, we must ask the Spirit to come dwell in our hearts and wreck OUR lives so that we might have the opportunity to live the life that God has for us; I'd never really thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense. In living a life for myself, I've been seeking the pleasures known by the flesh, material things and what FEELS good rather than what IS good.
And wouldn't you know, the minute I asked the Spirit to wreck my life, I was immediately attacked. Sh*t hit the fan (to put it lightly) and just as I started to panic, I remembered that God is by my side begging me to cling to Him; to allow him to help me carry this burden, this cross, I've been given.
In other news, I've really been struggling with helping my boyfriend to understand that what I need right now more than anything, is for him to just listen. I'm so overwelmingly grateful that he's trying to help fix the situation so that I'm not hurting anymore. But, right now I just need to hurt--to digest everything that's hit me over the past few days and grieve for my losses but find joy in the blessings that have become more evident throughout this struggle. Babe, if you're reading this, you know that I love you with all my heart; I've never been happier than when I'm with you. I just need you to understand that you can't always fix everything in my life. And that, when you can't, you can be there holding me while I grieve...because there's nothing more comforting than to know that you're there for me (no matter how red and puffy my face might be).
"Are these just the words that I say aloud? Is it just the sun breaking through the clouds? No, I know it's more and I know somehow that Heaven is breaking through...and it's You, God, it's You." -Audrey Assad